65-if

if i could film my life as it happens and then
go back
sometimes i wonder if i'd like to take it
into the dark room and make copy edits.
cut frames that had cut me whilst happening,
like the times spent crying over things
that were never
meant to be, should never have been
wanted. making a
smooth, cohesive, narrative
(in the eyes of the audience, of course).
along with that, perhaps i'd like to make
montages of the happiest moments,
extended looks at the times
i felt
most loved, most cherished, happiest,
(of course those were with you)
but then i really think about it,
usually late at night when
words start
to sound funny as i deconstruct them in my head,
and i realize that my life is in fact
a cohesive narrative,
i just can't see the story arc from
within the story.